I Reverted But Lost My Original Liveliness

Question and answer details
Salam, I have been lost for many years, especially after I came back to Islam I have been through a great emotional storm. I have come out of it but I have lost all my strength. I don't think I did great. I think I lost the main test that God sent my way. It's been difficult because even at home things are not so great. When you live in an environment where fitnah is widespread or in a time when everything is bad, I have lost a lot of that innocence that I had when I had just come to Islam. I had this drive and had this energy and there was something that I can't describe. I felt so close to Allah but since then it's been downhill. I don't feel energetic anymore. I have been wanting to marry for years but I haven't been able to. No one has helped me in this regard but I don't blame anyone for it. But I do feel bad and I feel let down by my peers; my so called Muslim brothers and sisters. People are almost atheists these days. They all talk about the same philosophy but it's so far away from Islam. I don't understand anything anymore. I don't know why I am here. I don't feel joy in anything anymore. My sister is unmarried as well. We have sadness in our house. I know Allah gives relief after hardship but I just feel so tired and fatigued. There are no good mosques around. There are no good scholars around either. I have lost faith in the Ummah and I was so proud to be part of it. Anyways, I don't really have a question but I guess just looking for some encouragement because I feel like I am alone in all of this.
Dr. ‘Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah

Salam dear brother,

Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.

It is sad to hear about your situation; your sadness, lack of hope and negative outlook on life. Clearly you are going through a very difficult time.

I'm not sure there's much I can SAY to you that's going to make a difference. What you definitely need to do is act to change your situation. I can sit here and tell you that you have to trust Allah and have faith that things will improve, but in reality, they probably won't until you strive to make changes in your life.

It sounds as if you are blaming your peers for not finding the right woman for you to marry, and sorry if I'm not understanding you accurately, but it sounds as if you are blaming the entire Muslim ummah for your dismal outlook on things. Yes, the 'ummah', if we can even call it that in reality, does have a lot of problems. A community of over 1.5 billion people is bound to have some trouble spots.

Yes, I agree with you, many so called 'Muslims' are only that in name and they talk and look the part real well but when it comes down to it, there is little substance behind this thing they call the deen. I am a convert to this religion. I had a very similar experience like you when I came into it. I went through a period of near euphoria -- felt so close to Allah, so close to the Muslims, etc. Now, after thirteen years can I say I feel the same way? Of course not.

When I started meeting different kinds of Muslims and seeing the vast differences among them it made me realize that Muslims are like anyone else. Yes, we share a brotherhood and a bond in our belief but we are all human and we all come from different places and backgrounds. Thus everyone has to be understood according to their inpidual life circumstances. That's life and that's the beauty in Allah's perse creation.

There are cycles to life, and there are cycles to faith. Things change. Allah grants us that initial 'high' after converting as a gift and then as a test. The test is then trudging through the tough times and still maintaining our trust in Him. The test is in believing that things will get better as He promises. The test is forgetting everything else around you when need be only so that you can focus on you and Him. That relationship, at the end of the day, is all that matters.

But things are not going to change unless you act to make them change. Many Muslims don't realize the importance of acting and taking initiative. Too many think that if I just make a duaa things are supposed to automatically change for me. So not true. If your friends aren't helping you then find new friends.

Join a new community; find a teacher, do something that will enrich your social network and open up new opportunities for you. The world is a big place and there is so much out there that is accessible to us nowadays. Sitting around and complaining about the world being cruel waiting for fortune to fall out of the sky is not going to help, nor is that the way of Islam.

Islam is always about striving and moving forward. You sound paralyzed as if this difficult situation you are in has locked your wheels so to speak. But you need those wheels to help you overcome the situation you are in and to start moving again.

I hope I am not coming across as being harsh or insensitive. I can hear in your question the desperation and sadness that you are experiencing. Islam is a dynamic faith that is based on our trust in God, our obedience to Him and our own drive to move forward and do good based on what Allah has given us.

One of the best ways to overcome negativity, depression, etc., is to get involved in a good cause. Do charity, volunteer somewhere and help out people less fortunate than you, join a community organization - do something that will remind you of how much you DO have rather than what you don't. And don't ever stop asking Allah and making duaa while you act. This is what opens doors, inshaAllah.

Please feel free to write back if you'd like to discuss this further... I always believe that these Q & A formats are better served through an ongoing dialogue rather than a one-time question and answer. May Allah help you, guide you and make your trials easy for you always...

I hope this helps answer your question.

Salam and please keep in touch.

Useful Links:

Feeling Depressive: How to Increase My Faith?

Repent, For Allah is Merciful

Prayer, the Most Powerful Healer

The Beauty of Prayer in Islam

Fate: Our Choice or Allah's?

Qualities to Look for in a Spouse

Tips for New Muslims to Overcome Isolation