OnIslam.net

As-salamu `alaykum Nasreen,

Thank you for writing and for your participation with Onislam.net. This is a great topic for others who may also be struggling with the same barriers to feeling that contentment and sense of safety in this world as you likely are.

Indeed, TRUST in ALLAH is our natural state of being, but this natural state can be altered through experiences that we have not been able to understand yet. Faith is increased when this TRUST is restored.

When you are experiencing the signs and symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), you can sometimes lose trust in ALLAH and life in general. One of very common symptoms of PTSD is severe depression. Some doctors will diagnose the depression as being secondary to the PTSD. It might be helpful to request a differential diagnostic clarification. You may or may not have Bi-polar 2 in addition to the PTSD.

Naturally, I do not have enough information about your history to suggest one diagnosis over another. If you are actually afflicted with both disorders, then you have two sources of depression. One source is the circumstantially induced depression that occurs with PTSD and the other is the chemical imbalance that you were born with.

Note that the circumstantially induced depressions mimic the chemically induced brain disorders because chemistry is altered with circumstantially induced depression. However, when you suffer from circumstantially induced depression, the chemical imbalance usually corrects itself with the combination of therapy and time, and can be helped with the use of the temporary use of some anti-depressants.

You mentioned that you're taking medications, so I imagine that you might be taking anti-depressants. You did not mention what type of medication that you are taking or if the medications have side effects that you feel are interfering with your ability to pray. If so, write in to me again and we can look at that issue.

Whichever is the case for you, love yourself enough to get the right treatment for your disorders.

Get therapy for your PTSD, and use anti-depressants if appropriate. Take care of your physical health by exercising and eating right. You might be asking yourself, what does this have to do with faith in ALLAH and TRUST in ALLAH? A LOT.

The state that your body is in will affect your mental state. Your mental state will affect your emotions and psychological state. When you are feeling better, your faith will be natural for you. Physical, mental, emotional and psychological health are natural states of being; spiritual health is a natural state of being.

Once you are feeling better, prayer will be easier for you. The prayer itself will also help you to achieve the physical, mental, emotional and psychological health as well, so these are all connected.

If you miss your prayer, rather than shaming yourself and telling yourself things that make you feel bad about yourself, RESET. RESET simply means, stop your negative thinking, stop the cycle, get your mind into the present, and start over.

One really nice tool to use for prayer is an AZAN Clock. It will sing out the Azan at prayer time for you. This way, you are reminded. Also, if you have a watch with an alarm, you can set it for at least one of your prayers. Some watches have multiple alarms that you can set.

If you do not have access to either of these tools, you can set different inexpensive clocks around your home to go off at prayer time. Honestly, I can’t remember my prayers without an Azan clock myself. I get too absorbed in my work and I am in a culture that does not have public clocks.

Another very important step to take that will help you become both more positive in your outlook on life, and in strengthening your faith, is to get into a couple of support groups.

1. One for people with PTSD or (if you are convinced that you have bi-polar2) for people who are managing mental disorders;
2. and/or one for people who suffer from depression.

My own intuition right now is to encourage you to join a group for people who are working through depression. Mindfulness techniques as DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) for depression are two approaches that are usually taught together in these types of groups. You also meet with others who are making a positive attempt to reduce their own experience of depression and negative thinking and you will feel uplifted and gain support.

In addition to this type of support group, I would suggest that you attend some kind of women’s support group that is in your Muslim community. This way you can be with like minded women who want to increase their own faith and where you can both give and receive support in this area.

Healthy faith requires that we do both; join with others and pray with others, and find our own truth in ALLAH alone. This is a healthy balance.

Finally, in addressing the energy issue. Again, I am sensing that you are experiencing depression. Talking to your prescribing doctor about changing your medications and/or about dealing with possible side effects can make a big difference. Being around other people who pray will probably make the biggest difference for you. And be nice to yourself. If you sleep through Morning Prayer, don’t beat yourself up. You can make that prayer up.

Once you get back into praying, it will become routine for you again. The nice thing for you is that you had a routine and had developed the habit before; each time you stop and then restart, getting back to the routine is easier.  Your subconscious has a memory of the routine and you will pick up momentum quicker, so you don’t need to worry that this will be as difficult as it was when you first began to pray.

Thank you again for writing in. I pray these ideas will be helpful to you.