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“I can’t make decisions...I always worry that things won’t turn out right.”

“I’m indecisive; I tend to think too much.”

“I don’t feel confident about my decisions.”

Ever caught yourself saying anything like this?

I often hear phrases like these from my clients. Worrying over decisions is a real issue for many sisters, so I thought it would be useful to give you some tools to overcome your decision-making worries. This one’s for you!

Many sisters are wary about taking decisions, especially the major ones. They take ages thinking about them, imagining all the worst potential scenarios that could ever possibly occur. They toss their ideas around in their head, worrying for days, and then often end up not moving forward. It’s not that these sisters don’t make a decision, they do; but the decision is often not to make any changes and to stay within their familiar zone, no matter how uncomfortable that is!

Other sisters act on their decisions, but afterwards they go over and over what they did, berating themselves for not having done it better/more/less.  They don’t look for the possible good in what was done; just what they perceive as being bad or wrong.

What a sad situation...so much joy, pleasure and satisfaction being missed, and also time needlessly wasted! So what can be done to remedy this?

There are a number of different models to assist with the decision making process, and I’ve merged a few of them together to give you the:

SuperMuslimah Project Model

1. Define the Situation

The first stage is to be clear on what the decision is all about. This might sound too obvious, but until you really analyze what you want to change and achieve and whether this fits in with your personal goals, you could be spending time on the wrong decision.

Is it just that you want to lose 10kg in weight or do you also want your husband and children to lose weight too? Do you just want to get a new job or do you want one that enables you to better meet your responsibilities? There may be more than one thing that you need to factor in.

State your desired outcome in a positive way so you know precisely what you hope to achieve. Instead of saying, “I want to stop spending so much time alone,” you could decide that “I want to meet some new sisters who I have interests in common with”.

2. Generate Alternatives

One of the characteristics of the believers is that “And whose affair [is determined by] consultation among themselves.” (The Holy Qur’an- Surah Ash-Shura, 42:38)

It will depend on the complexity of the decision how long this stage will take. Complex decisions could necessitate you sitting down with a piece of paper or your journal and brainstorming as many options as possible. Follow threads of ideas and see where they take you. Let your imagination run wild. You can always eliminate the ludicrous ideas later on, but in the middle of them you might just come up with a creative way to deal with the situation.

It may also be useful to do this exercise with someone else so you can bounce ideas off each other and come up with novel solutions.

3. Istishara (Information Gathering)

One of the characteristics of the believers is that “And whose affair [is determined by] consultation among themselves.” (The Holy Qur’an- Surah Ash-Shura, 42:38)

So once you have generated your own options, seek information from trustworthy knowledgeable people or sources. That may mean consulting a dietician, going to a careers coach or researching the internet for local Islamic groups you could join. Don’t take too long on this stage, as it could turn into another means of avoiding taking the decision!

Once you’ve got as much information as you reasonably can, weigh up the pros and cons of your information. Do this either by writing them down so you can work through them or, depending on the subject and your own preferred style, it may be sufficient to just weigh them up mentally.

4. Istikhara (Prayer for Guidance)

The next stage is Istikhara; praying to Allah for guidance to make the right decision. “Allah's Prophet (peace be upon him) used to teach his companions to perform the prayer of Istikhara for each and every matter, just as he used to teach them the surahs (verses) from the Qur'an.” (Bukhari)

Pray two Rakahs of voluntary prayer at the best time possible and when you’ve finished turn to Allah and ask Him to guide you to make the right decision. If you can’t pray due to a lawful reason, just do the Dua` on its own; you don’t need to wait.

5. Make Your Selection

Next comes the time when you need to make your choice. It’s decision time. Make sure that you are in a good frame of mind to make your decision, that your thoughts are clear and you aren’t feeling stressed.

As you’ve already done Istikhara, follow your inclinations to whatever you feel inspired to do. Accept Allah’s guidance; listen to what your heart is telling you. You’ve already done the research; it’s now time to listen to your heart. And if your inclinations have changed after doing Istikhara, don’t insist on doing what you were inclined to previously, follow the new inclination.

6. Tawakkul (Putting your trust in Allah)

Allah tells us: “And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah.” (Surah Al-Imran, 3:159) Place your trust in Him that whatever you have decided is the best thing for you to do now. You can’t anticipate all the consequences that will come from your decision, only Allah knows what they will be. Accept that whatever the result, whether you judge it to be good or bad, it will be what was meant to be and it will be best for you in the long term.

Prophet Muhammad said:  "No slave of Allah will truly believe until he believes in al-Qadr, its good and evil, and until he realizes that what has befallen him was not going to miss him and that which missed him was not going to befall him." (Tirmidhi)

7. Take Action

Then act on your decision. Step forward with the confidence that this is what Allah has willed for you to be doing now and give it your best shot. And don’t worry!

If after you’ve taken action, you gain more information and realize that another course of action would be better, you can always change paths. Very few things in life are so fixed in stone that they can’t be changed. But don’t hold off taking action through fear of this...break through your worries, ask for Allah’s help on the path and then take action!

Praying that this will help you to make worry-free decisions!