Editor’s note: Last week, we published a problem from our counseling service database about a wife who is deprived of love and affection.
We received advice from our readers who tried to help this suffering wife through their comments. Today we would like to post an answer from Dr. Karima Burns.
Dr. Burns has been counseling as a Homepath for over 9 years. From the U.S. she is a doctor in Naturopathy, a Master Herbalist. She uses art, health and education to heal others.
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If you are being physically abused you need to find a way to leave until your husband can deal with his temper in a healthier manner.
Physical abuse is not something to take lightly as many injuries and even deaths can be attributed to accidental actions during periods of physical abuse.
Many abusers, even if they did not intend to injure their loved ones, can easily do so, if they lose control of their physical body in such a way and an accident happens during this time when they do not have control over their actions.
Although what you did was wrong, and you have admitted this and realized this, it is common for an abused woman to seek refuge in someone or something else. This is because it may seem easier to her to seek an escape than to face the prospect of admitting that the situation she is in is dangerous and/or unhealthy and that she needs to leave.
In the process of avoiding the most difficult decision she needs to make, a woman may seek other ways to "repair" the problem or deny it.
The only way you will solve this problem is to face what the real problem is. You cannot make excuses for him, try to fulfill your needs in other ways or try to avoid thinking about the problem.
Also, keep in mind that although you did something wrong, this does not give him permission to injure you so do not fall into the trap of thinking you deserve to be abused.
Abuse of another human being is never the right of any person. There are acceptable ways to communicate displeasure with another person. Some of these manners may involve physical communication. However, there is a big difference between established physical communication and abuse.
You also need to consider your children. Is this how you want your sons to treat their wives? Is this how you want your daughters to be treated? If you continue to allow them to see this example on a daily basis, this will become the relationship pattern they are most "comfortable" with.
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